Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
