remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
well you can't waste a boner
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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