I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
