God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
