Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
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