I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
my poor anus
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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