His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
