I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Randomize
