He uses pillows to masturbate.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
