Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
