If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
