Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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