I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
