so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Randomize
