i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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