I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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