You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
