how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
