see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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