Can i not drive my cunt home
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
