but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
