Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
