i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
