Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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