**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
