He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
