Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
