he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Sext me about skeletons
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
