Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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