Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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