hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
