I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
