Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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