oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
