Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
