Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
