I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
