i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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