wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I got inside last night via doggy door
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
