Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
