i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
