Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
