It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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