dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
