youre lurking in front of me
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Randomize
