I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
