Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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