well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize