you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
