I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
